Save the children in Syria by donating here: http://justgiving.com/daiyaan

I DID NOT want to record and upload this video… I had the idea over a year ago and despite my closest friends constantly nagging me to do it, I just felt it was too silly and only a handful of the impressions are accurate anyway… but then I saw what was happening in Syria.

I was brought to tears for the first time in 12 years when I saw the horrific images of what was happening there and it gave me the kick I needed to do something about it. Thanks to the internet, we are far more closely-connected to other human beings than our parents ever were.

So I changed my mind and recorded this video on no sleep (not going to lie… in the end I had a BLAST recording it) and decided I would try and use it to raise some money to help the children of Syria. Just because the mainstream media spent most of the past week covering Jude Law, The Grammys, David Cameron’s face and Justin Bieber’s completely normal teenage antics, it doesn’t mean that children have suddenly stopped needing help in Syria (and everywhere else in the World).

So, I hope you enjoy this wacky video of me in various costumes impersonating singers from my ever-so eclectic iPod… if it made you laugh (or cringe), I hope you’ll consider donating. If not, that’s completely cool too

P.S. Going to be putting up some cool music over the next few months to help more children around the world… will keep y’all posted!

Donate Here to Save The Children Of Syria

Feeling rough/hungover after a big night out… sipped on some vitamin C and decided to record this in my head-pounding, achey state… seemed appropriate. A bit of Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe at the end

Here’s why:

The 2 Reasons Why People Hate You

1. Jealousy

People can be jealous of you for all kinds of reasons and it doesn’t always make logical sense. They could be jealous of your job, your friends, your confidence, your looks and your life in general. Perhaps you remind them of all the things they are NOT doing with their life. Kind of like the lyrics to that Razorlight song…

But then all they know is how to put you down
When you’re there, they’re your friend
But then when you’re not around
They say, “Oh, she’s changed”
Oh we know what that means
Well it means they’re just jealous
But they’ll never do the things
That they wish that they could do so well

2. Threat

Often times, people feel threatened by you… again it doesn’t always make logical sense. Maybe when you’re around, they feel that you’re the centre of attention and you threaten their self-confidence. Maybe they’re afraid that their friends will like you more. Maybe they think that being seen with you will threaten their reputation. It can be for all sorts of bizarre reasons.

What you have to understand though is trying to convince people to like you using logic will fail most of the time. People who don’t like you can come up with a million rationalisations for why they hate you… so just follow the rules below…

The Rules Of Hate

• One third of the people you know… hate you.

• One third of the people you know… neutral.

• One third of the people you know… LOVE YOU.

• Don’t try to please everyone… you never will.

• People love you for the same reasons others hate you. Whilst some people might see you as arrogant and obnoxious, others see you as confident, fun and easy going.

• When you hate someone, they own you. They own your thoughts, your emotions and your actions. You own anyone that hates you.

• Invite your fans into your life and nurture your relationship with them otherwise you’ll lose them.

• Ignore the people who don’t like you. Cut them out of your life. Delete them from your life (or Facebook if that is your life).

• Don’t ignore your fans! Don’t take compliments from the people that love you for granted. Invite them into your life (and PARTAYS!).

• Only surround yourself with people who inspire you and make you feel good.

• Don’t use “just be yourself around haters” as an excuse to not develop yourself. Always strive to become the best version of yourself.

• Don’t ever go out of your way to get the approval of someone who doesn’t recognise your worth.

One of my friends recently had his birthday party at a high end nightclub in London. When I say high-end, I mean one of those nightclubs Emma Watson is likely to be snapped at with her equipment all over the internet the next day because she “forgot” her underwear.

Anyway, one of the guests was a young student in his early twenties dressed head to toe in Gucci and Dior with shoes so sparkly they’d leave you blind for life if you stared too long… he looked like the lovechild of Jay Z and… Jay Z.

Turned out his family was in the African diamonds trade… go figure.

My birthday friend and I had a GREAT time… and we didn’t spend a single penny. This particular guy however… let’s call him “Mr. Blood Diamond”, was having a MISERABLE time. It seemed that all the women were dancing with every guy but him.

So what did he do? He bought us all Cristal, Armand de Brignac and Dom Perignon champagne, with the hopes that maybe the girls would somehow fall in love with him for his Jay Z flash and swag.

Here’s what happened… we drank up that champagne… oh yes we did… but the only love Mr. Blood Diamond got at the end of the night was “thanks so much for the champagne… bye!”

Here’s what I can tell you…

Firstly, those champagnes are WAY overrated and I prefer my phony £12 Lindauer sparklingwinedisguisedaschampagne over a £2000 bottle of Cristal any day.

Secondly, if your confidence sucks and you don’t know how to talk to women… heck… people in general… money isn’t going to fix it. Work on it. If you’re a guy and your mind goes blank when you’re talking to women, read a book about it, learn about female psychology and don’t be ashamed about improving your character.

If you’re unhappy with your weight, don’t say “oh it’s just genetic, my family put on weight quite fast so I guess this is just the way I am”. No one really cares that you ate a few crates of Krispy Kremes to deal with your “work/revision/relationship stress”. If your weight is eating away at your happiness… you need to do something about it!

Which leads me to the first insight…

INSIGHT 1: For Every Hour You Spend On Making Money, Spend An Hour Working On Yourself

Anything you’re unhappy with about your life… work on it.

If you don’t know how to go about changing something… if you’re reading this right now it means that you have access to a better and broader educational resource than any university in the world… it’s called The Internet.

I recently gained 28 lbs / 13kg of muscle over the space of a few months after being plagued with injuries and skinny/lanky my entire life. Whilst I still haven’t reached my goal of weighing 185 lbs / 84 kg, I can tell you this, the boost in confidence comes straight after the first week when you see that you’re making progress.

The surge of confidence you’ll get from setting goals and working towards them will bring more good and happiness into your life than any material object you can buy.

You’ll immediately feel a lot more confident just for making progress by taking your first step. The destination isn’t worth it if you skip the journey.

P.S. If 1 hour for every 1 hour spent on making money isn’t doable in your situation, start with 1 hour for every hour spent watching TV/lounging around.

INSIGHT 2: The Best Damn Investment

The best damn thing to invest in… is learning new skills. Hands down the best purchase I’ve made this year so far is paying for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (Gracie Jiu Jitsu) training. I used the money I saved from NOT upgrading my still working (surprisingly!) iPhone 4 to learn how to defend myself, choke people out unconscious and break a few arms. The confidence you walk around with when you know you can protect yourself and those you care about is priceless.

This past year I’ve also spent over £2000 in copywriting and marketing courses and seminars… despite the fact that that’s what I already do for a living. You can always improve your skills… and by implementing the new techniques I learned, I was able to make back multiple times my investment.

A 6 hour Salsa Dance intensive class cost me £30… and I don’t need to explain the benefits.

Learning how to cook like a BAWSE from scratch cost me £18 – by reading the awesome book – “4 Hour Chef” by Tim Ferriss

Learning to play my favourite songs on piano… Free. Just search for any song coupled with the term “piano tutorial” on youtube.

INSIGHT 3: “Having Money’s Not Everything Not Having It Is”

Thanks for that one Kanye. It’s true that money isn’t everything. One thing is for certain though… being stressed about your finances will give a whole new meaning to “hormonal”.

There have been a couple of times over the past 2 years where due to me spending beyond my means and complications with clients, I’ve ended up a fair few thousand pounds overdrawn and uncertain if I’ll make rent… forcing me to limit my sleep to 2 hours a night just so I can squeeze in extra work.

I don’t need to tell you… it sucks.

There’s also a rare kind of peace you’ll feel when you’re at a place where you don’t have to worry about who pays the bill for that meal at Bodean’s Restaurant or how much that unnecessary cab journey is going to cost. I can’t even begin to describe how good it feels to be able say “YES!” and not worry about your finances when your friends ask you if you want to join them on a random trip to Sardinia.

So you owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to get yourself to a place where you don’t have to worry about your finances. “Electricity bill? What electricity bill?”

INSIGHT 4: If You’re Waiting To Have “More Money” Before You Start “Doing Good”… You Probably Never Will

My good friend Ed (check out his blog here, it’s a step above awesome.) asked me “when do you plan to incorporate charity into the work you’re doing?”

After really thinking about it… we both agreed that there had been times over the past 2 years where I was pretty comfortable financially yet hadn’t given much thought to charity.

20 seconds later…

“FUCK IT! Let’s give 10% of our monthly income to charity every month”

…and we’ve held each other accountable to it.

It’s encouraged us both to work harder to make back the 10% we’re investing in the world, so strangely, my finances this month are better than they usually would be.

Heck, you can start small… one rule I made a few years back was whenever you go to Mcdonalds at 3am after a crazy friday night out with friends, give the free cheeseburger you get with your student card to the first homeless person you see. I promise you’ll feel good about yourself… provided you remember the night that is (damn those 90p shots).

(Extra Tip: If you’re self employed, put another 25% aside for your tax bill… TRUST ME on that one)

Sidenote: My 2 Favourite Charities:

• Charity Water: One of the few charities where 100% of your donation goes to actually getting clean water into hands of the people who need it. None of this crazy Kony 2012 shizzle. The costs (i.e. travel, advertising and administration costs) are covered by celebrities and angel investors… awesome.
• Kiva: Help people in less privileged countries run their own family business by giving them a small loan. The best part? You actually get your money back when their business succeeds (they have a 99.03% repayment rate!)

INSIGHT 5: Material Possessions Don’t Create Memorable Experiences. People Do.

Going for a solo drive in your sports car will never feel as good as going on a road trip with your best friend in his barely alive, 1998 Mazda 323.

Watching Family Guy alone on your 64 inch plasma with surround sound will never feel as good as curling up in bed with a girl and watching it on her 13 inch laptop (unless it’s Game of Thrones… and the girl doesn’t shut up… in which case… watching your favourite characters getting decapitated… in high definition… alone… is preferable.)

My point is this… all of your most memorable and cherished experiences will have been shared with other people.

Before you buy anything, always ask yourself 2 questions:

1. “Will this really make my life a lot easier?”
2. “Will this really improve my experiences with people that much?”

Having people tell you how “cool” that thing you’ve just bought is does NOT count. Being told how “FUCKING INCREDIBLE” any of your material possessions are will only feel good for a week or so… like getting a new haircut… or a brand new pair of shoes. It’s okay to treat yourself sometimes but don’t get addicted to buying/upgrading everything for short doses of happiness.

Whilst my first year in my apartment was akin to a Soulja Boy music video… my second year here has been much more tame in comparison… though I’ve been much happier for it and cultivated incredible relationships.

Spend time on sharing more experiences with smart, fun and interesting people.

Creating fun experiences doesn’t have to cost a lot of money…

Life really is about the people you meet and the experiences you create with them… so when you’re faced with opportunities to spend time with interesting, fun people… seize them.

Try this: For your next date, instead of shelling out on a fancy restaurant and awkwardly interviewing each other (unless it’s at Dans le Noir), rent out a couple of those horrid Boris Johnson bikes and ride through a park whilst making up the back stories of how the strangers around you met each other… Or go to an arcade and remind yourselves of what an awesome game air hockey is… Or go to a quirky shop and try on bizarre accessories you’d never be caught dead in and take goofy pictures of each other.

In this video I reveal 3 techniques that have really helped me when it comes to making a great first impression, whether it’s for networking, job interviews or building your social circle. After having read so many books on body language, social skills, eye contact and even having worked on a training program myself, I figured I should share the 3 techniques out of the hundreds that will get you immediate results.

They don’t require any practice and they won’t creep anyone out… in fact, people will find you more likeable, more personable and feel connected to you (not to mention finding you more attractive). Pretty hard to describe so you’ll just have to try these techniques and see for yourself

Book Recommendations:

1. How To Talk To Anyone – Leil Lowndes
2. The Power Of Eye Contact – Michael Ellsberg

So I’m in Sardinia (pics at the bottom of this post) this time with a video on how I got productive, doubled my income (and added 28 hours of free time per week) using a simple productivity hack…

The Other 2 Necessary Productivity Hacks (Watch Video First!)

If you check your facebook, phone and/or email first thing in the morning, you’re already setting yourself up for an unproductive day as you’ll put yourself in “reaction mode”. In other words, you’ll find yourself spending the rest of the day reacting to other people’s needs (your boss, friends, employees, etc) instead of doing what’s most important first.

Maybe you’re more disciplined than me… but if I check my phone or facebook first thing in the morning, I end up spending the rest of the day in “the grey zone”. This is where work, play and time wasting just blends into one big thing and the day is over before you know it.

The grey zone also means that when you’re with your friends, you’re thinking about all the work you didn’t do/need to do tomorrow and when you’re working, you feel like your social life could use a boost.

Enter the morning ritual…

The Counterintuitive Morning Ritual

When I first heard about this, every cell in my body hated the idea. “Spend the first 90 minutes to 2 hours of your day on a morning ritual”. WTF. Surely I could use that time to get more work done?

Well, I guess you could start work immediately upon waking… if you’re a robot… or if you’re about to fail that test… or on the verge of getting fired… but if you don’t fit into those categories, like me, you’ll probably find yourself wasting those first 2 hours anyway… or maybe you do work but a few hours later, you’re burnt out, stressed and wishing death upon every happy person on facebook.

Here’s what I can confirm. Ever since I’ve been doing the morning ritual, I’ve doubled my income, gotten twice as many things done and had MORE free time. Yes. More free time despite spending 2 hours of it on a morning ritual. I’ve also never been happier and more present when I’m with my friends. Compelled?

What To Do In Your Morning Ritual

The start of your day sets the context for the rest of your day. If you wake up reacting to texts and emails, feeling rushed and eat an unhealthy breakfast, you’ll probably feel rushed for most of the day and you’ll probably have an unhealthy lunch and dinner as you’ll say to yourself “well, I already screwed up today”. So, here’s what I recommend for the morning ritual:

• Upon waking, drink 500ml of water as you are most dehydrated after sleep.
• DO NOT CHECK EMAIL / FACEBOOK / TWITTER / NEWS / PHONE
• Exercise!
• Eat a healthy breakfast
• Shower
• Read out your Ultimate 90 Day Scenario (see below)

After doing the above, I begin my first 60/60/30 session of the day, feeling completely relaxed and focused. The most important thing here is not checking email, facebook, twitter, the news or your phone. If your work allows you to, get anything you need (work emails, todos etc) the night before so you can start the next morning clean and without distraction.

If you can go on till midday without checking anything, you’ll find yourself a lot more productive and a lot happier.

I’m now at the point where I don’t check email until around 4pm and I don’t look at facebook until 8pm.

Your Ideal Day In 90 Days

The following exercise I learnt from Eben Pagan. What’s freaky is that my life today is what I wrote down as my 5 year goal… 3 years ago. The 90 day version is even better as it’s even more tangible and attainable… I have both 90 day, 1 year and long term goals written down but the 90 day entry is the only one I read daily.

If life went your way, what would a typical day in your life look like in 90 days time?

Spend a minimum of 10 minutes writing it down and read it back to yourself every morning before you start working.

Write it down in the past tense. E.g. “I woke up today and immediately got out of bed in my 2 bedroom penthouse apartment and drank 500ml of water.”

If in 90 days time you would like to be “going out every night and bringing back a hottie to your cave in your mum’s basement”… write it down. Remember, this is for your eyes only. No one else is going to see this. So put down everything that motivates you, not what you think other people would deem to be acceptable or reasonable.

Include the fact that every morning you wake up feeling energised and carry out your morning ritual. Include how productive you are every morning, the fact you went to the gym, etc if these are things you are trying to attain.

What sort of activities would you like to do after you finish working? Who would you like to spend time with? Write it all down.

If you’re having difficulty figuring out how to incorporate all of the above, here’s a typical timetable (up until lunch) from my life:

07:30 – wake up, start morning ritual and read ideal 90 day scenario.
09:00 – 50 minutes focused work
09:50 – 10 minute break – kettlebell swings
10:00 – 50 minutes focused work
10:50 – 10 minute break – play guitar
11:00 – 30 minute recovery – WORKOUT AT GYM
11:30 – 50 minutes focused work
12:20 – 10 minute break – rotator cuff/shoulder exercises
12:30 – 50 minutes focused work
13:20 – 10 minute break – read fiction
13:30 – 30 minute recovery – EAT LUNCH

Anyway, here’s some photos from my trip in Sardinia, Italy… the land of small women and fish… lots of fish…

After being kicked off Jumeira beach already for having a tripod I tried to record again with the camera lower down but they still realised that I was not just talking to myself and weren’t having any of it so the video gets cut a little short… but I had already committed to making a video post so decided to post it anyway and continue the rest below… (PLUS pics from my trip!)

Reciprocity Continued (Watch Video First!)

In studying influential people, you’ll start to notice one recurring character trait… it’s that mindset of reciprocity. In other words, influential people don’t look to other people to determine how they should act (except on rare occasions). Instead they have this mindset of “whatever I put out, I will get back”. For example, if they walk into a room full of quiet people, they aren’t thinking “oh, this is a room full of quiet people so I should keep my mouth shut”. Instead, they simply express themselves as they usually would and the room reciprocates and becomes more talkative. Hence they get identified with the term “influential”.

When I first learned about this concept in December 2010, I had a few paradigm shifts. As a specific example, in the situations where I felt that people were being shy, awkward and very reserved, I realised that I was waiting for them to become more talkative. I was reciprocating to their behaviour and becoming more shy, awkward and reserved myself. The moment I ignored the way they were behaving and decided that I would be more talkative and open regardless, they started being more talkative and open with me… which lead to situations like:

Mutual Friend: “Man that girl is such a bitch right?”
Me: “No… she was just a bitch to you?”
Mutual Friend: “What do you mean? She never says anything and she always has a smug look on her face.”
Me: “She was really friendly and talkative with me”

Set The Standard And Expect Nothing In Return

See, most people are looking for someone to set the standard for how they should act and what’s considered normal. If you decide that being really friendly and talkative is the norm, other people will reciprocate and adapt to that. If you’re super cool with people, they will be super cool with you… even if they aren’t with other people.

If someone don’t reciprocate, don’t take it personally. Chances are it has nothing to do with you. Provided you aren’t leaning into being clingy and needy (which is NEVER welcome), it probably has nothing to do with you. People are busy. They have other things constantly gnawing at their mind. That shouldn’t discourage you from being cool with them. Instead of using it as a technique to make someone feel like they owe you something, do good things for people without expecting anything in return.

Examples:

• Buy a friend a coffee.
• Ask shop assistants how their day is going and have a conversation with them.
• Talk through a friend’s tough situation with them.
• Give free advice to potential clients.
• Introduce and connect people with similar interests.
• Shake the nightclub bouncer’s hand and ask him how his night is going, regardless of how long you’ve been waiting.

Expect nothing in return when you’re super cool with people… (though spoiler alert… you will end up with people reciprocating, being super cool with you and getting a lot of cool sh$t)

Anyway, here’s some photos from my trip to Dubai… the city of gold, diamonds and white cars:

“The greats weren’t great because at birth they could paint. The greats were great because they paint a lot” – Macklemore

Doesn’t it just suck when that good for nothing, untalented mofo/biaatch is getting all of that success and attention when you know there are more talented people out there. Maybe that “more talented” person is you. Something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently…

Talent is SO overrated. Talent is everywhere. Lots of people are talented. There’s no shortage of undiscovered talent. Wow that was easy. Ok fine… some more explanation…

The Talent Show Deception

Most people including myself only see the end result and buy into the illusion (either consciously or subconsciously) that successful people just got lucky or were born talented. It doesn’t help that inventions like reality TV reinforce the idea that maybe you too might get lucky one day and someone will discover you and give you money for your talent or personality. Worse if it reminds you how untalented and unremarkable you are.

Guess what, even if you are “talented” and do somehow get “lucky”, if you don’t already have the right work ethic you won’t be able to hold onto the opportunity anyway and you’ll forever be complaining about how you were so unlucky… like the forgotten xFactor winner who constantly complains about how it’s someone else’s fault for not appreciating how good they are…

Talent Won’t Guarantee Success. You Don’t Even Need It.

Some people see the fact that talent doesn’t always lead to success as a tragedy. I see it as a good thing. It means you don’t need talent to be successful.

Sure the ideal situation would be to combine talent with hard work… and yet, someone with a ridiculous accent and name like Arnold Schwarzenegger can still make it into bodybuilding, movies and AMERICAN POLITICS despite coming from a tiny village in Austria under the worst of circumstances.

The Justin Biebers of the world can flaunt their talentless songs and confuse the hell out of you as to why there’s even people who exist that like his music… I’m one of the millions who can’t stand his music… and like he gives a f**k.

Cultivate A Badass Work Ethic. F*CK Talent.

What hardly anyone does is analyse the hours, work regimens and the failed attempts it took someone to become successful. Ironically, with a relentless work attitude, it’s almost inevitable that the end result will be others considering you to be “talented” because like most, they won’t have seen the work you put in. From now on, I’m going to spend less time judging whether someone “deserves” to be successful based on how talented they are and spend more time appreciating their work ethic.

Some of my personal favourites:

• Will Smith (How he went the extra length to memorise entire scripts. In the first few episodes of Fresh Prince you can see him mouthing the words for other people’s parts. Video Here).
• Arnold Schwarzenegger (How he sneaked in practice for bodybuilding without any equipment, escaped from army camp and became Mr Olympia. Video Here)
• Kanye West (His routine when working on the My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album. Video Here)
• Tim Ferriss (Turned down by 26 publishers before his first book got published. His first book went on to become a New York Times bestseller as did his consequent books.)

I’ve even began to study and apply the work ethic of the people who I can’t stand, such as:

• Cristiano Ronaldo (his daily training regimen compared to that of his teammates)
• Shia LaBeouf (how he got into acting in the first place by pretending to be his own agent. Video Here – Skip to 4 minutes in).

It Will Never Be “Fair”

You can spend your entire life gushing over why you’re entitled to success or complaining about how other people are holding you back… or you can just accept that life isn’t “fair”, isn’t a level playing field, the only thing holding you back is your own laziness and just put in the hours doing what you love starting today.

Take personal responsibility, make people notice you and make it happen for yourself by taking relentless action. “Luck” will then start happening more often. Your time is finite and you’ll be old and dead before you know it so start now, don’t deviate and don’t waste any time complaining.

Don’t compare your success and circumstances to that of others otherwise you’ll tear your hair out everytime you see some “lucky” mofo getting the result you want despite putting in less effort than you. Learn to enjoy the process of going for what you want. Like a video game. Most of the fun is to be had in the present moment, in playing the game. Not after completion.

(and yes, I did consider making the other analogy but my mum might read this so let’s stick with video games.)

“There’s a lot of bitches out there folks… and most of them are men.” – Joe Rogan

One of my bros asked me the other day how he should have dealt with his girlfriend when she started freaking out. Without getting into too many details, she felt betrayed by one of her friends and was upset/verbally angry… his response when she freaked out was to tell her to stop crying and to “stop being such a dramatic *****”…

UH OH. What could have been a trailer for a boring Woody Allen movie became an argument that rivalled an entire season of the Jeremy Kyle Show… minus the w*nk*r… plus an excruciating case of blue balls…

Firstly, I do find it a little ironic that he decided to ask me how to deal with his girlfriend issues considering I’m enjoying being single… and whilst I have no interest in starting a dating advice blog, I’ve not heard anyone else talk about this particular topic so fuck it. I will.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a dating/relationships expert. I don’t have any qualifications whatsoever. I don’t even have a university degree. I didn’t go to Cambridge so you should never listen to me. EVER. The following is simply based on my own personal experiences and is for entertainment purposes only…

My simple guide to dealing with a crying/freaking out girlfriend as a man (agree/disagree in the comments below, would love to hear your thoughts).

THE DON’Ts

• DO NOT freak out and get emotional yourself.
• DO NOT tell her to calm down.
• DO NOT tell her to stop crying.
• DO NOT get awkward, go cold and try to make her feel guilty about it.
• DO NOT try and logically convince her to stop freaking out.
• DO NOT try and dish out advice unless she has specifically asked you.
• DO NOT mention the P word. It’s like strolling into Compton shouting the N word.
• DO NOT turn into a wussbag and become overly apologetic/nice guy either.

THE DOs

• DO: remain calm, unfazed and keep your composure. She wants to know that she can rely on you not to freak out when she does.
• DO: lose the ego and the need for winning an argument. Even if you can logically outsmart her it isn’t going to help the situation. Ride the tsunami son, don’t try and fight it… it will pass (I just discovered a new talent for coming up with cheesy quotes!).

Also, expect that when you do this, whatever she’s freaking out about may suddenly and nonsensically get directed at you. Again, don’t take it personally and start getting defensive. Just stay calm and composed regardless.

If you enjoy being a “semi-dickhead” like me, if it’s something trivial, smile and show that you’re totally cool with her freaking out and are kind of enjoying it. Though I don’t recommend this if you aren’t comfortable with conflict… worst case scenario:

Freaker Outer: “ARGHAGHAGRJAHJKHKERLVAJ”
YOU: (Look into her eyes and smile)
Freaker Outer: “THE FUCK. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?! DO YOU EVEN CARE?!”
YOU: (Look into her eyes and smile)
Freaker Outer: “IN FACT THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT”
YOU: “Okay” (keep smiling)
Freaker Outer: “I FUCKING HATE YOU” (followed by gorilla fist to your chest.)
YOU: “Okay” (keep smiling)

LATER THAT DAY (or year).

Freaker Outer: “oh my god I’m so sorry about earlier… I don’t know what to do”
YOU: Say “it’s alright”, put your arms around her and don’t let go.

Regardless of how you deal with it, the point is to remain unaffected, unfazed, non-reactive and non-judgmental.

Stop Freaking Out When She Cries… Bond Doesn’t

A lot of men freak out when women cry. They either respond with the “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON” response or behave like they’re allergic to tears.

Guess what, women cry sometimes and it’s better that they do. It’s a pretty efficient way of processing emotions and getting through tough situations.

Making her feel guilty for crying isn’t going to prevent it in the future. If she isn’t comfortable being vulnerable and crying around you, she will find someone else who can provide her with that non-judgmental comfort, which I’m sure you do not want.

Especially when it’s something serious, rather than telling her to stop crying, counter-intuitively, tell her it’s ok if she wants to cry, she’s safe with you and put your arms around her, listen and just stay calm and composed… you’d be surprised how quickly she’ll get over it when you do this and allow her to just process it.

Then… revive Kanye’s “Slow Jamz” or R Kelly’s “Bump N’ Grind”.

If you can’t fathom how you can possibly be manly and considerate at the same time, a good example is the scene in Casino Royale where Bond comforts Vesper in the shower… though try the finger sucking thing at your own peril…

If all else fails, just fake your own death, change your number and get your name changed.

This Applies To More Than Just Your Girlfriend

Now before you start thinking that this is just a guide on dealing with women… get that chauvinist out of your head and think again. People freak out sometimes, men and women. Ever been with your guy friends in a bizarre situation and had them freak out?

Maybe the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere on your badly planned roadtrip and you’re stuck with “OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE FUCKING DO WE’RE GONNA END UP IN A BODY BAG” guy. If you start freaking out yourself you’ll just perpetuate a viscous cycle of bad decisions.

So I actually feel that all of the above is how you should deal with ANYONE freaking out – guys, girls, friends, lovers. Ok, maybe not put your arms around your bros… but the rule of not freaking out yourself and keeping your composure at all times applies in all situations. This is what leaders are made of.

If you can be that rare person who remains calm in the midst of chaos, it will go a long way. As a boss, friend, lover and human being.

People might not appreciate it in the moment but they will remember. It’s not uncommon for someone to bring it up years later “what I love about you is how… do you remember that time when I freaked out? You were just there for me”.

When you hear those words from a woman, you should definitely interpret it as “we should get a room”.

OBVIOUSLY I am joking about that last part… kind of.